"Good News, I Saw A Dog Today"(Ft. Buddy The Elf)

Wow it's been a crazy week! (do I say that every week? Lol) anyway we saw a coyote (not really a dog but you know) in the street on friday!! It was CRAZY, sadly I dont have any cool battle scars or pictures cuz my fight or flight kicked in and yeeted me outta there 

But we were walking down the street and we heard howling and a TON of dogs barking and going ham, and we're like 'what the heck????'. And me, being myself, walked straight towards the howling (we couldn't see the coyote cuz a trailer was blocking our view) and right when we turned the corner we saw this big ol' coyote chilling in the middle of the road, howling under the only street lamp. It was straight out of a movie! so ya that was freaking awesome. 

Okay so like buckle up cuz this gon' be long.

Anyway, I high-key almost came home again, lol, classic Syd, cuz I went and saw a counselor and took a questionnaire thingie thing that gave me a score at the end rating my anxiety level - the lower the better. And normal missionaries are supposed to be around a 53.... I'm at 120

And the counselor lady was all like 'girl what the HECK are you doing?????? Go home!', and I was like 'oh yeah you probably right, lol'. So I made the decision to go home and I talked to Sister Wilde (presidents wife) and we started planning all the things. Cuz I've been trying to decide what Heavenly Father wants me to do for months now, cuz I keep getting mixed signals on wether or not I should stay. And usually that means He wants me to choose but I dont like doing that. So I finally made a decision, and I was gonna go home. I felt so relieved I cried, so I thought it was the right choice. BUT, the next day we had zone conference. And all the night before, and the morning of, I felt HORRIBLE!! It was like the worst feeling in the world, and me, being a dumb-dumb, thought that I was just nervous to go home (haha ya right). But then at Zone conf. I talked to sister Wilde again for like an hour and she basically told me not to think about anything, but just to see how I feel. And I felt like straight trash. so I kept fooling myself through most of zone conf. saying that I need to go home and I'm just nervous. But towards the end I was like, "hmmmmmm I think I need to stay on my mish..." And i started crying cuz I was like, "Heavenly Father, HOW am I going to do this????? I'm at 120!" But then the famous scripture from Nephi came to mind: 

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

.... well okay then, guess I'm staying. So yeah! I've finally made a decision. Reminds me of that one video on gospel library called "Wrong Roads" by Elder Holland, where he talks about how sometimes we need to go down the wrong path first, so we can know with surety when we are on the right path. 

Then the next day I had a super spiritual experience that made me cry (lol I do that a lot) and I was like, 'ohhhhhh that's why I needed to stay...' it was really cool. I felt like my real self, not my anxiety self. I couldn't stop smiling. And it was such a tender mercy and a miracle from God. He opened my eyes and helped me see and understand. Now I feel like I actually can stay the whole 18 months. God is so good. I've never really put my full trust in Him until now. I'm terrified to my very bones but at least I KNOW I'm doing what God wants me to do. 

So yeah! Crazy week 

Anyway, love y'all!!! 

Syd 

Pics!! ( they're not in order cuz I cant figure out how to do it)

1. Me and sis Cloward 

2. What should have happened with the coyote, funny Resse's puffs box, and a newt!!!! 

3. FLOWERS!!! its January???

4. Me at my finest. (Content may not be suitable for children)